3/1/12 Goodnight my angel.
The post I knew I’d someday have to write, yet the hardest words to come. This morning our sweet Lydia Grace became an angel. We believe it was a sudden cardiac arrest and while we were aware it very likely could and would happen any day at any time, there is never anything that can prepare you for your heart suddenly shattering into a million pieces. I honestly thought we’d lost her on Tuesday as she was very sleepy and there was brief period where I couldn’t get any response from her at all. By the time I had called her doctor, she was rubbing her nose and gave me a brief, just let me sleep look. I brought her in Wed to her doctor and labs and all seemed to be okay and she seemed to be back on the mend. We spent the last two evenings watching some American Idol together and she was pretty happy in her favorite spot of someone’s lap. We don’t know exactly what caused today’s sudden event and will likely never know the exact reason it happened at this moment. She was resting well this AM with low oxygen needs and decent sats when I went to work. An hour into the day, I was met with the dreaded frantic call of she was coming in by EMS and they couldn’t get a heart rate. I knew by the time I saw her in the ER, nothing more could be done. As we’ve done for hundreds of hours in the ICUs, we held her little body for the next few hours we and those who knew and cared for Lydia were able to say good bye.
We can never thank you all enough for all the kind words, prayers and encouragement during these past 2 years. We are so thankful for the care that was given to her that allowed her to come home and finally be with her family. She liked being home and watching Wyatt and Ava. The other night, just like back in the old days of the 4 of us at St. Luke’s, Lydia was snuggled in on my right, Wyatt sitting rather calmly in the left and Ava flopping around in the middle trying to make her self comfortable despite the presence of her siblings. It’s hard to gauge how much at 2 they understand. We haven’t try to explain it to them yet. After Lydia left this AM to come to the hospital, Ava suddenly wanted to go downstairs to see “LaLa” and was rather upset when she couldn’t go see her. Then after her nap, we went outside on this beautiful spring day and she goes, “I hear a bird. Cheep. Cheep.” Wyatt coming out later also stopped in the middle of his play and said he heard a bird. The first sounds of spring were heard today by the observant ears of my children. I always hope we stop and listen to the songs of the birds.
We don’t know yet the details on her celebration of life. We do ask in lieu of flowers (thank you for the beautiful ones already sent), we ask for loveys so other babies can be given the same snuggly friend that Lydia so enjoyed and was comforted by in our absence. We plan to make tags for Lydia’s Loveys and send them to other babies in the NICU and CICU. We’ll also be making donations to Angel Flight and March of Dimes. I had already signed us up for the March of Dimes walk on May 6 and through research and advanced care for the littlest of patients, I’m sitting here listening to my other two sing “Tinkle, tinkle little stahw” in between night time crib bouncing.
Goodnight my sweet angel. Your daddy and I will miss you desperately until we can join you again. With 5 great grandparents to spoil you rotten and make sure you never are without a cookie, you might just be the fattest and most held little angel up there.
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